I've been waiting for all the stars to align to start blogging again.
I've been waiting for all rhythms and routines to be in place.
Even as I've typed these three sentences I've heard . . .
"Mom, I can't find … "
"Mom, can I have this?"
"Mom how do I . . . "
"Mom can you open this?"
One would have thought my busiest days were in the past . . . you know the ones where I had a baby attached to me for feeding, two two year olds running in different directions and daily thanking God for another day where their safety was intact, and a four year old who wanted answers to all of the world's questions. You know the days where I was changing 3 in diapers and trying to look like I had showered that week.
"Mom when did you get that chocolate milk?"
"Can I have one? Just one."
Not true though …. those were not my busiest days. Crazy how in the moment I thought nothing could make me busier. Oh dear mommas in that season. It does get busier. But it gets more lovely too. I can not promise you your heart won't break or that you will loose all the baby weight or that you will have time to yourself (even when they all go to school that is not a promise) but I can promise you you will miss "those days" of kissing baby cheeks and laying on the floor with kids crawling over you wondering if you will even get to shower in peace that day. I can promise you it's amazing to watch them grow, to develop into their own person, to have their own ideas of the world and I know I am just at the beginning of this stage.
"Mom can I wear this?"
"Mom where are the orange cones we have? I can't find them?"
I know it will more than likely get busier and my heart will break more as I watch them "not need me as much" or as I watch them experience things I wish I could have shielded them from. It's just all part of life and mothering.
It's where I'm at these days.
My kids are all in school yet my days are still not my own.
Actually I'm not sure if I have anything that I could say is my own.
Not even my treasured starbucks cup of water that I've said a million times to the entire family "This is mine. I'm not sharing it. Get your own cup."
Nope, not even that seems to be mine.
"Mom come see how many times I shot the target?"
So for this linear person that wants to go back and update this blog from October till now so that things are "in order" and current, this is a hurdle …. just pick up where you are. Don't stress waiting for life to settle down. I'm telling myself "Just start blogging again". "Just post whatever pics you want whether they are old or new". There is no correct way in this. This isn't a classroom schedule you must have in order before starting.
"Mom where's dad?"
So here it goes.
I'm back - maybe just for today. Maybe once a week. Maybe never again. Ha. I don't know. But I know that right now, in this moment, I"m blogging something. I'm adding pictures - some current and some old pics and just pressing "publish".
"Mom can I watch . . . "
"Can you turn it on."
"Mom I'm sweaty."
I've missed letting my fingers fly across the keyboard saying things in my heart and mind. So this is for me. Not for you. I have no idea if I have one reader or 100 readers and I've never blogged for that, it's always been for me and for the future of my kids reading it someday. Maybe I do have one thing that is mine. Maybe it's this blog space. Hmmm. Who knows. It's a nice thought.
(Ice Castles - Jan 2014)
(Gongolza Tubing Park - Park City Jan 2014)
(Tubing - Jan 2014)
(View from a neighborhood park)
(Xmas card 2014)
"Mom now look at it."
"Where is that remote?"
"Mom you know the hose that's connected to the house by the trampoline? Can we get wet on the trampoline?" (Remind you it's January in Utah.)
Regardless of the season . . . babies, little kids, big kids . . . I'm still the most wanted, most popular person in the house.
That's saying something.
Life is good. Embrace the seasons.