"I stop dreaming sometimes, because I'm afraid of what it would take to change my life. I stop dreaming because I'm afraid of the chaos that a dream might bring, afraid of what a new dream will require of me."
This is a quote from the book I'm reading right now.
"Bittersweet - Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way" by Shauna Niequist
It's this author's second book.
I blogged about the first one here. (Cold Tangerines - Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life)
I picked up the first book for one reason and found it feeding a total different area of my life.
I want to visit with this girl.
I like her style of processing.
She's vague on her story but I think we have a parallel in many places of our stories.
It's a different kind of read - it's a collection of stories and she pulls from these stories depth and meaning that we can all relate too in our own stories.
This quote, in "Bittersweet", is how I feel about our future (in relation to ministry).
I love to dream with Jason about ministry; about what's going to be next; about where we might find ourselves; it's something we've always done.
But I know too well what those dreams will require of me; of us, and sometimes I just stop dreaming because it's safer.
Even though we are still a long ways off from "what's next" we need to be dreaming, praying, processing the future.
The dreaming makes my head spin - to many unknowns.
I was telling a friend these thoughts not long ago and I explained that it's such a tricky thing.
I feel that I must dig my feet into the sand of where we are at so that I can fully embrace it and enjoy what this season has to offer.
I don't want to miss something from this time in life.
However, while those feet are dug in the sand they also have to be ready to pick up and move onto the next thing.
You can't let them get stuck or you'll miss out on the next adventure life has to offer.
I think this goes for all of us.
It's not just a literal move - for most of life our "changes" don't come from literally moving.
It's a change from one phase to another; one season to another.
A change in parenting seasons; a change in the flow of our marriage; a job change; a health change; an age change.
Whatever the change, if we get so firmly planted that we aren't able to keep a flow of change in our life we will miss out.
I don't want to miss out so I hope that in time I can get back to dreaming about our future.
"When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate.
And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow." - Shauna Niequist
Another good quote in the book.
It's a great read.